Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The end and the beginning

I decided to come back from blog retirement.
After I stopped blogging on our old blog I realized just how many friends we really had who cared about us and wanted to know what was going on.  I was having a hard time keeping up with e-mails and decided that it may be in my better interest to start blogging again.  So for you, my friends I decided to start afresh.  O.k., honestly it's for me too because it is a good way to chronicle our life and I am terrible at keeping a handwritten journal even though I keep trying.

Why the new blog?

Well, as some of you may know, since my last post on our old blog, Patrick has moved on to a new home.  To some that may be a shock and I will explain further on.  There are some people out there who will disagree with our decision and that is fine but we believed we were making a very hard decision that was best for Patrick and the rest of our family.  We were the ones who had to live it and really knew what was going on here and I did not feel like getting into debates on the merits of our decision with people I really didn't know.  It wasn't worth my time.  The friends and family closest to us supported us 100% in our decision and that is what mattered most to us.  I started that blog as a chronicle of our adoption experience and it morphed into something more than that and I started having followers.  I do like to know who my audience is (it's easier to write that way) and that is why I have the "followers" list on the sidebar.  However, many of the people I did not know in person and I wasn't keen on writing so much personal stuff for people (who may have been very nice) who I did not know.  Life was becoming so up and down with Patrick and I got tired of writing about the ups and downs.  It was tiring enough to live it let alone write about it.  I probably will still get readers eventually who I do not know in person but at least in the beginning I will have more control over who is reading.

So I will quickly try to catch you up to speed.

Since my last blog post Patrick's behavior took another turn for the worse.  Last I had written he was going through a very good spell.  He actually had 10 days of absolutely perfect behavior.  Yes I counted.  One, because every good day with him is rare and a gift and two, the behavior was so good that it was very odd and worthy of taking note.  The crash after this period was bad, just as bad as previous crashes and we were starting to see that this was just going to be his pattern.  Hopefully not for life but it was very clear to us that we were not able to handle him when he was in his bad state especially as he got older.  It was difficult to keep the other children safe and also difficult to keep him safe from himself.  I had to pull him from school because it had gotten so bad and we were basically home-bound because we could not take him anywhere without having to deal with very extreme behavior.

I don't know why he had that week and a half of good days in there but we like to think that it was God's gift to us that we were able to have some good memories with him near the end before we decided it was time to say good-bye.  We also don't know what triggers the crashes.  There really are no triggers, it just happens out of nowhere.  Everyone likes to try to figure it out and Patrick's behavior therapist who was working with him at the end kept telling me that there just had to be triggers.  At the end though she finally agreed with me and admitted that there must be something seriously psychologically wrong because the outbursts and aggression made no sense whatsoever and could not be stopped no matter what.

The last meeting with the psychiatrist revealed some clues that might point toward a diagnosis of schizophrenia which certainly would make the most sense out of all of this craziness.  The bi-polar medicine certainly wasn't working anyway and while he certainly had some RAD behaviors (which medicine doesn't touch anyway) there really seemed like there was something else going on there.  It was too odd.

So (long story short) by the grace of God an amazing woman in Southern California heard about our story and our plea for help and offered to take Patrick in to her family.  She had vast experience working with children just like Patrick and had far more resources and helpers to make it easier.  After much prayer and seeking the Lord it was very clear that this was the perfect family for Patrick to move on to at this point in his life.  We do believe he was with us for a purpose and we did our best to help him grow to the point where he is now in his life but we are weary, out of resources and ready to "pass the baton" to the next fresh person.  We are able to keep in contact with Patrick in his new family as all the adoptions are open and she even has a website that she updates regularly.

So while yes, this is the end of Patrick's time with us it is also a beautiful beginning for him.  Christian and I just flew him out there this past weekend and spent 4 days in the area and with the new family.  The new brothers took to him right away and gave him lots of attention.  He will be the youngest of the bunch, which we believe will be a really good thing for him.

This post is getting long and I don't like to write long posts lest I lose your attention so I will write more about our trip soon but I will leave you with a little video.

Because of the amazing things Patrick's new Mom does she is actually pretty famous and has been featured in many news articles and TV shows.
The following video is a clip from an interview that "60 Minutes" did with their family.

If you had any questions feel free to post them and I will try to answer them next time.


  1. I can't wait to hear more about your trip. Is Patrick's new family as amazing as they seem to be in the videos? I would love to visit their house and see it for myself! How did Patrick respond to all of the attention from his new brothers?

    I'm so glad you're blogging again!

  2. Thank you for giving me your new blog. I have always
    Believed you did the best you could for
    Patrick. I believe you made a good decision.
    You are always in our prayers.

  3. I recognize that family! I loved shows about families like that back in the day when we had tv.

    I'm truly grateful for this blog. And the title is perfect. :)

  4. Wow! Very emotional. I am so happy for Patrick to be in a place where he can be managed. I have seen her story before and thought she was amazing. He will continue to be in our prayers and hearts. thanks for sharing.

  5. Christy,

    You've done so much for Patrick and loved him so well, even enough to let him go when it became clear that would be what is best for him (as well as the rest of your children).

    His new mommy seems like a truly unique miracle of a human being.

    I'm blessed to have been admitted into your life and struggles. May the Lord bless your family and Patrick's new life with peace and joy.

  6. AMAZING Video!! I think Patrick is sooo lucky to be able to enjoy that life!! How cool!! May God Bless you all for all your love and effort to show Patrick he is loved!!

  7. Christy,

    I'm so glad you're back, and I understand all your reasons for both stopping and starting again. I hope you know that you guys did such an amazing job with Patrick and your lives and his have been forever changed as a result of your time with him. Of course, I know he'll always be in your hearts and lives so you haven't really "lost" him. You know that I think you did the right thing and I'm praying you never regret your decisions to adopt him or let him go.

    He is a miracle.

    Love you, friend.


  8. You are loved, and I am just happy that your family can be at peace now. I am glad that you and Christian took time alone to renew and regroup. Thanks for sharing your life and heart with us. There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus!!!

  9. Ok, I just got done watching the video and am completely amazed. Awesome.

  10. I'm so glad you're back - always love reading your entertaining remarks. You have such a loving wonderful family and I know that you really did make a difference in Patrick's life. I'm sure that the experience will also be rewarding for your children and enable them to be compassionate of others in a way you couldn't ever teach them without that exposure. I know you made the right decision and God bless that wonderful lady for making room for him.

  11. I am so glad you are back. You know I prayed much for you, your family, an d Patrick. I'm sure you made the right decision, as hard as it may have been. My computer is down right now, and I just felt the urge to get "in touch" again, so I came over to work and checked on my mail on my work computer, Toot will be bringing my computer back on Saturday. Rod was working on it and got some new thin gs for it so I should be ready to be in touch again.

  12. Christy,
    You are one of the most amazing people I have ever met in my entire life (and I have met a lot of people). I feel blessed to know your sweet family and privilaged to peek into your life and see His goodness through you.

  13. Sheesh Mrs. D., You need to get out more! Seriously though we certainly consider you guys great examples in our lives and if we really do have any amazingness you need to take some credit for it. :)

  14. Christy,
    Thanks for letting me know that you're "back." I have been thinking about you lately and was going to try to give you a call to see how things were going. It is so obvious that God has His hand on Patrick's life. You were faithful to follow His leading and adopt Patrick. How wonderful your obedience! God used you to rescue him, and give him a foundation, a chance to know love like he'd never known before. And now, God is leading him on, to his next journey. Though bittersweet, God used you in a mighty way in Patrick's life, you all were a blessing to him. It will be exciting to see how God continues His work in Patrick's life. Thank you for your example of unconditional love, patience, perseverance, and your diligence in seeking God to know what's best for him and your family. Blessings to you all.
    Love, Gail R.

  15. Dear Christy,

    No one could ever question your decisions as it has been so obvious that each step was prayerfully and lovingly sought.

    You have many that pray for you and stand amazed at all you have accomplished in your home and family.

    How wonderful that Patrick had time in your loving family that cares so much for him and now has a home that can be further help to him.

    Happy to get up-dates from you again on your new blog :)

    Love, Mrs. Hebler

  16. Amazing Christy, so happy for you and Patrick. If you had not been led to begin proceedings to get Patrick, he would not be where he is now. He is definitely in the right place for him. I always knew that God would work it all out for His glory in His time.

  17. Thanks for letting me know your back... I had no idea. I've been thinking of you all so much, and also with seeing at the bookstore, the other week and not really getting a chance to chat.

    I was sorta surprised to read these updates on your family & Patrick... but you know what? God's divine leading and purpose has been just exactly that. It's great. I wish I could view the video but for some reason - I can't.

    I wish you and your family a wonderful Christmas. Blessings!


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